The Tyler Problem is not a problem

It’s a BIG problem. In the scene where Rocco is interrogating Bergomi with a drill, Rocco actually drilled a hole in Bergomi’s arm. We had to rush Bergomi to the hospital. After somehow convincing Bergomi to come back to finish filming with us, Rocco felt bad and thought he could make it up to him by “evening it out” and drilling a hole in his other arm. We rushed him back to the hospital. Amazingly, Bergomi actually agreed to continue filming despite having a massive hole in each arm. Unfortunately, Rocco felt bad once again, and tried to make it up to Bergomi by drilling a hole in his own arm. Another trip to the hospital. This would explain why we are behind in shooting. Every time we go to film someone ends up in the hospital. I will probably be next once the rest of my crew sees that I wrote this.

Til next time (if there is a next time)


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Confression – Keeping it fresh

FACT: Osama Bin Laden was spotted at an ATM outside Starbucks the other day.

SPECULATION: It may not have been Osama Bin Laden.

THEORY: It probably wasn’t Osama Bin Laden.

RECENT INSIDER INFORMATION: It wasn’t him, I made it up.

– Anonymous

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Holy Snow

First day back from another snow storm and Sheehan is MIA.  This is not good. Either he got caught in an avalanche somewhere or he is just skipping to go to the Patriots’ Parade.  Whatever, forget about him.  Aside from the disappearance of Sheehan, the snow has also caused us to miss out on a few days of filming.  Four days have been thrown out the window but it does not matter because our film is still going to be fire.  Rocco has come up with some great cameos that will most likely make their way into production. The ridiculous amount of snow on the ground and frigid weather is going to make our outdoor scenes difficult to film, however, our crew is ready for frostbite.

As one of the main actors (this is Mike), I have completely memorized my lines.  Since the filming has been a little delayed the past couple weeks, Rocco and I have been discussing some additional scenes that may find their way into this film.  As for the rest of our crew members, I have no idea. I am an actor, so I do not pay attention to those peasants.


The conspiracy in music trivs is still completely evident.  Our crew’s answers, mainly Owen’s, have conveniently not been heard, and we feel that there could be a strong Soviet influence in the class that is causing this to occur.  Notably, Jonah King of the Strawberry crew is most likely a sleeper agent for Mother Russia and his communist propaganda seems to be rubbing off on Mr. Alan.  The disappearance of Sheehan may also be at the hands of Jonah and his reds.  Notice how strawberries are red? So is the soviet flag. Coincidence? I think not.

-Mike Mazzotta

P.S. But I’m not a rapper.

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This is Ben Brownsword, co-director of the Tyler Problem. And I have to clear the air.

I am a terrible dead body. And when I say terrible, I mean just plain awful. Our crew was filming a few scenes the past week, and I was assigned as the role of dead body after the frequent absences of previous dead body Owen Ross. Smh. Anyway, my job was to be dropped by Rocco and Mike several times, which I took like an absolute champ. I wore a couple of huge hits, typical player life. However, after a while, I was panting like a fat kid on a run after being dropped so many times. Unfortunately, the camera caught my loud breathing quite clearly. That’s a couple of hours of filming completely ruined by me. As things look right now, my role is being recast.

In other news, Owen Ross is a film truant. Never there, and always has some convenient  excuse for going missing. Some examples include:

“Sorry guys, I have wrestling.”

“I passed out at the doctor’s today.”

Just nonsense like that. Really killing the crew’s morale left and right. We considered kidnapping a family member of his to let him know we meant business, but the idea was vetoed after much discussion. Next time; however, something will be done.

Lastly, Music Trivs is a farce. Apparently, just because someone (me) is a couple months late with a few permission slips they have to be banned from Trivs altogether. Such a sham. Also, I’ve noticed Mr. Alan has developed a new habit of “not hearing” our crew’s answers, then letting other crews take the credit when they just yell out the answer we gave. I am starting to smell an inside job. Who is pulling the strings? Here are the odds-on favorites:

Jimmy King (10 to 1) – Jimmy has been sneaky since Day 1, but he’s no cheater. A true believer in the Constitution and the rights of Americans at heart.

Marc Sheehan (6 to 1) – “Hey Ben, why would one of your directors be sabotaging your own crew?” Let me tell you why. Marc is also directing and starring in another movie, and the man is a snake. He is trying to pit the crews against one another. Also, him and Mr. Alan plan their outfits, so who knows what’s next?

Kody McCann (2 to 1) – Lord knows what this man has been up to. Already an alleged song Shazamer, he could easily have bribed Mr. Alan to “miss” our answers. He’s a very, very dangerous foe. Gotta watch your back around here.


Ben Brownsword

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Confession – How’d I Get Myself In This?

Did our first bit of filming last Sunday, huge disappointment. Half the crew didn’t show up, which means there was no coffee, no donuts, no nothing, and I was hungry. We were promised trailers, but all I got was a hand in the face. The dam makeup lady got the stuff in my eyes and odds are I will sue the whole production staff by the end of this project. There are also a lot of sketchy non-crew members hanging around on set, one of them named Randolph who claims that I’m his fourth cousin, these crazies have rabies and God knows what else and they are very bitey. All these things however, are the least of my concerns, I can deal with them. What I can’t deal with and what makes me contemplate leaving the production of this film is the very real supernatural element surrounding us. We must be filming on an Indian burial ground cause I’m hearing fire-dances that I can’t see.  I now come to the set equipped with the proper essentials: holy water, the bible, hammer and steak for the vamps, and a sword from the movie 300. The sword isn’t really an essential, I wanted it, so they got it. To wrap this all up, I’m hoping to come out of this production with all my limbs still firmly attached to me, but even then all of the hope in the world will not save me from unexpected attacks. I’m a very lucky person by nature, I don’t carry any rabbit legs or anything like that, I’m just a good gambler, so I feel my odds are good.

God Save The Queen,

Rocco Frattasio

Nah but in all seriousness…We’ve filmed 5-10 mins of footage so far and things are looking promising. Mike and I really have to deliver some good acting, and doing many takes will ensure the best performances from the both of us. This should be fun.

– Rocco

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Tyler Problem

The Tyler Problem is making some real progress recently. We had some real emotional conflicts and disputes, but we’re still running strong, running on empty, running on empty by Jackson Browne. We are discussing the possibility of adding a third character cameo. Rocco and Mike are really putting in the hours… It may be a little too much. Rocco even asked his teachers to call him Steve when being called on in class. If I’m being completely honest here, Kyle Gaughan seems to be putting the crew on his back.

Music Trivs update- There has been some talk among the crews that Strawberry’s own Kody McCann has been spotted Shazaming the songs played during Music Trivs. Sources say this behavior is coming at the hands of the Soviets.

Confession by,

Kyle Gaughan

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The Tyler Problem

Pre-Production is underway here on The Tyler Problem. The Cucamelon Crew includes Mike Mazzotta, Marc Sheehan, Ben Brownsword, Kyle Gaughan, Owen Ross and Rocco Frattasio. The process is coming along quite nicely. At the moment, we are working on the storyboarding as well as the shot lists. Lots of great ideas are being spewed forth by the crew members and should make for a funny movie.

My contribution so far (this is Owen by the way) has been to handle the art direction. I made the wardrobe sheets as well as mood maps for the characters. Other contributions from Gaughan and Brownsword have been helpful as well. They have and are working very hard on the storyboarding.

As of now Music Trivs is not really a competition, we have a healthy lead.                         This movie will be fire.

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